8 Questions Every ObGyn Should Ask at Every Visit (And Every Woman Should Know: Not Just for Doctors)
The 14-Minute Visit
Danielle was 38 and did everything right. She scheduled her annual ObGyn appointment every January like clockwork. She showed up on time, sat in the waiting room for 40 minutes, changed into the paper gown, and answered the same questions she’d been answering for fifteen years.
“When was your last period?” Regular. “Are you on birth control?” Yes, the pill. “Any problems?” No, I’m fine.
Pap smear. Breast exam. “Everything looks good. See you next year.”
Eight minutes. That was it.
What nobody asked about: the fact that she’d been waking up drenched in sweat three nights a week. That sex had become so painful she’d been avoiding her husband for months and it was destroying her marriage. That her mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and Danielle had no idea what that meant for her own risk. That she was drinking a bottle of wine every night just to fall asleep.
Danielle wasn’t hiding anything. Nobody asked.
Sound Familiar?
If you’ve ever left your ObGyn’s office feeling like the visit was rushed, like you were processed instead of cared for — you’re not alone. Surveys consistently show that women leave gynecologic appointments with unasked questions, unmentioned symptoms, and a vague sense that they should have said something but didn’t.
Part of that is the system. Doctors are squeezed for time, buried in electronic health records, and pressured to see more patients in fewer minutes. That’s real, and it’s not going away anytime soon.
But part of it is the script. Most ObGyn visits follow a narrow checklist — periods, contraception, Pap smear, mammogram, done. That checklist was designed for cancer screening and reproductive planning. It was never designed to take care of the whole woman.
And here’s what makes this matter more than you might think: for many women, especially between the ages of 18 and 45, their ObGyn is the only doctor they see. Not a primary care doctor. Not an internist. Their gynecologist. That makes every visit an opportunity — and every missed question a missed chance.
Why I’m Writing This for You — Not Just for Doctors
Yes, I’m an ObGyn. I’ve practiced for over 50 years and delivered more than 10,000 babies. I’m writing this partly for my colleagues, because we can do better.
But mostly, I’m writing this for you.
Because you don’t have to wait to be asked. You can walk into your next appointment with a list. You can say, “Before we start, there are some things I want to talk about.” You can be the one who changes the 14-minute visit into the conversation that actually matters.
The eight questions below are things your doctor should be asking — and things you deserve answers to whether they ask or not. They cover the stuff most women think about but rarely bring up: sleep, sex, mood, family history, what you’re putting in your body, and whether your relationships are okay.
None of this is complicated. All of it is important.
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